


I'm going insane

by shamelesssmut



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: After 5x13, Brian admit how he feels, Feelings, M/M, POV Brian Kinney, Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-23
Updated: 2015-11-23
Packaged: 2018-05-03 01:58:32
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5272307
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shamelesssmut/pseuds/shamelesssmut
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I don't know how it happened. I just know when it started. I mean yeah, I was drunk and a little high but I remember it. Clearly. Even if I couldn't remember his name at first. </p><p>or</p><p>the one where Brian sum up his relationship with Sunshine and his feelings for him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I'm going insane

**Author's Note:**

> I just needed to write something about Britin. It's not long but it's all I wanted it to be for now. If you like it please leave some kudos and comments. Then I may write some more.

I don't know how it happened. I just know when it started. I mean yeah, I was drunk and a little high but I remember it. Clearly. Even if I couldn't remember his name at first. 

When I first saw him there was something in him. Something so innocent yet so sexy. I couldn't stop myself from going to talk to him. He was so young, I could say it by the way he was looking at me with big nervous eyes. He was trying to play it cool... Well he wasn't such a good actor. Still he didn't even consider saying no when I asked him to come home with me. He was actually more than eager to do so.

And that's where it all started. On the street outside Babylon. That shouldn't surprise me at all. I used to spend too much time there anyways.

The point is that the first night....It was good. Pretty good. Even if I was so damn high it was really nice, considering that it was his first time. Yet I never even thought that it'd be something more than a one night stand.

I wasn't a fan of even fucking the same guy twice. It was boring. Why'd I have someone twice if I already had him? There are so many guys out there.

However, clearly that didn't include Sunshine. I was so annoyed at first when he was all over me, even if I liked that I always had something easy there to fuck. Maybe he wasn't just a fuck even then. Maybe he was always more. I mean otherwise, I could easily make him stay away from me. Yet I never really tried. I just called him my stalker and teased him but I never really pushed him away.

There must be something in him. Everybody loved him the second they saw him. Debbie adored him. Michael didn't mind him. Emmett was so in love with him. In a friendly way, of course. Even Ted liked him. So there were something in him. The big surprise was that I didn't mind him away. I don't even know when I stopped minding him being around. When I stopped noticing him around. When I stopped caring that I'd go to Babylon and dance mostly with him and then fuck him in the backroom or the loft.

He had a great ass so...He still has the best ass I had ever seen. Yet it wasn't just the fucking. I knew it the moment I saw Chris Hobbs hitting him with the bat. He was Sunshine. He was my Sunshine. Suddenly I realized just how much care about him. The little shit somehow had gotten under my skin. The scary part was that Debbie knew it too. Probably Michael as well. Maybe even Ted and Emmett. My feelings scared me. It scared me that I've feelings for him. It was all supposed to be just a fucking but it wasn't. ANd I think that he knew it too. It never was just fucking.

He changed me. And at first I was scared. I didn't want to change. I liked myself the way I was. I lived like that as long as I can remember and here I was...changing. For someone without even realizing it. 

When the bomb exploded at Babylon I was finally able to say it. I was finally able to admit to him how I feel. How scared I was that I may lose him. I finally said I love you. I'm not even sure if I ever said those words before. But I loved him. More than anything. I was ready to marry him and live in that mansion...Britin he had called it. Then I remembered that life is so fucking fucked up. Then I realized that I've to let him go. And I did it. Even if I didn't want to.

I let him go to New York. I pulled away from him and let him live. I rarely visited at first and then I stopped. He was young. He could find someone else. Someone better than me who would give him everything he deserves.

And I was miserable without him. Fuck, how miserable I was. I didn't realize how much I really love him until I lost him. Life suddenly didn't had a purpose. Staying up all night, fucking at Babylon wasn't fun anymore. Drinking and doing drugs was okay. It took my mind away from him for awhile so I get that it was good. Work was boring as always. I was Brian Kinney for fuck sake but I wasn't the same as before.

The night he left I danced in Babylon. Michael said that I'm still the man I used to be. That I'm still young and beautiful and all but I missed my Sunshine.

That's when everything changed. Again.

It was like four in the morning when I got in the loft. I walked in and closed the door without even looking up.

"I thought that we're supposed to be home by three." Justin said. His voice just as sweet as I remembered it.

I quickly looked up and saw him sitting on the couch. It looked like he never had left. Only it was eight monts since the last time I had seen him sitting there.

"Sunshine?" I blinked. Maybe I had gone too far with the drugs this time.

"Hey." Justin smiled. "I still have a key." he said as he got up. "So I let myself in."

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I took a step toward him. Maybe I was seeing things now. Beautiful, blonde things.

"New York is no fun without you." Justin smiled at me.

"What are you talking about?" I frowned a bit at him, confused.

Justin cupped my cheeks. "I'm coming back. Fuck New York. Fuck my career. The most important thing to me is you. I want you in my life." he whispered.

I wrapped my arms around him and pulled him closer. He felt real, he smelt just like Justin used to. Maybe I wasn't imaging things.

Then he kissed me and I it was as amazing as I remember it. It was hot and hungry and yet to sweet and gentle. I could kiss only Justin like that.

When he pulled me toward the bed I noticed his suitcase next to the couch but I was to distracted by my Sunshine to care.

Soon he was there, on my bed, naked and moaning. It was just as I remember it. Perfect.

The next morning I opened my eyes slowly. The bed was cold. Empty. What a fucking dream. It was so real. Everything looked real. The touch, the moan, Justin. Clearly it wasn't even if I remembered vividly the way he touched me and kissed me. 

"I'm going insane." I murmured to myself as I closed my eyes again.

"You were always insane." I heard a chuckle and when I opened my eyes there he was. Coming out from the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"You're really here." I couldn't help but smile.

Justin chuckled as he sat down on the bed next to him. "Didn't we established that last night?" 

"I thought that it was just a dream." I whispered as I ran my hands down his chest.

"It's not. I promise." Justin smiled at me. "I'm here to stay." he said and leaned to kiss me.

"I love you, Sunshine." I whispered against his lips.

"I love you too, Brian." he whispered back and laughed when I pulled him next to me and pulled off his towel.


End file.
